The 41 rules of Online Poker

1. Learn the game-rules: a King beats a Queen, pair loses to trips, all that shit.
2. Learn to not bluff, yep, bluffing is easy, not doing it all the time is the hard part
3. Reading players is overrated, don't be a sheriff, don't call to know you are beat
4. Know what you strength is, if you are a fuckin retarded maniac play like one! Fuck the money, be unpredictable, if you are a NIT be one, but don't pay off the maniacs.
   
5. Poker is not that cool, fancy moves don't get ya girls, solid play gets you dollars though. If you want to see fancy play rewarded do some Sport like MMA, Parkour, Skateboarding, Streetball, something where balls matter
6. Don't be intimitated by power, it's about technique.
7. Know the different types of players, build strategies against them.
8. Online-Poker is about money, not about fun, not about friends, responsible gaming is the key, if you can't hold to your money and need it to pay the bills, don't hesitate and shut yourself down.
9. Degenerates win. If you can sit in front of this game for hours, don't move your ass and have the ability to play 12-16 tables at once you are bound to make some serious cash. But sorry to say that, you are a degenerate gambler.
10. You are not Durr. Don't try to be like him. Be John Shmoe. Bill Simon. Whatever your name is, be yourself, you can't fake the funk.
11. Play like no money is involved, even though poker is all about the money. If you think about what you could by with all that money that you just lost it's time to quit.
12. Quit poker. Often. Don't stay at tables you can't beat.
    
13. There is no working at your game, either you know the basic rules and play your style and lose like a man, or poker is not for you. You will lose no matter how good you are. Poker is about luck, don't listen to people who tell you otherwise.
14. Ride your streaks. If you run hot, play a lot, if you play like crap and all your hands are dead quit. Quit often. Hold onto your hard earned money.
15. A college degree will probably get you a more interesting job. Hell, most jobs are more interesting than online poker.
16. If you can chose between reallife poker and online poker always go for the one where the most money is. Or simply enjoy your life and do something else.
17. Poker is a game most people love to hate.
18. Streaks are unavoidable, keep your losing streaks short.
19. Don't overanalyse your game. There is a right. There is a wrong. Learn from your wrongs, repeat the rights.
20. Every game is different, players evolve and you might lose to a donkey.
21. Fuck the etiquette, those guys are after your money.
22. Play like a man, don't whine like a sissy.
23. Some people are better, others are not, the more you can leave your emotions behind, the better you will get.
24. Scruples hurt.
25. Don't gamble without noticing it. Do it when you want to, don't do it to do others a favour.
26. Most people these days know the rules.
    
27. Beating online poker is hard, a lot of people try it.
28. There are more donkeys in live play, at least you can spot them easier at 1 table without stats.
29. Stats are overrated, always remember that there is Lady Luck, and she sure hell is a bitch.
30. You need to get lucky, you need a big bankroll, you have to know the odds, you have to leave your red blooded heart at home, you have to love the game, you have to love the game when it betrays you, kisses someone else and fucks behind your back.
    
31. Poker ain't chess.
32. Poker ain't Basketball, Football or whatever. It's no teamsport.
33. Poker schools want a part of your rake. They might want you to win, but after all they don't care.
34. Poker schools make money from you. They are doing nothing for free.
35. There are no real friends at a poker table, even though they might lend you money.
36. After all, poker pros make money through sponsoring, sponsoring, TV gigs, a bit of Poker and did I mention, sponsoring? They are pretty good at live play as well. Some even rock the online world. Or they write books. The time of easy games is over. People know the rules. You have to break them to really make money.
37. Do you really believe the hype?
38. Durr pwns them all. So does Phil Ivey, but have you seen it ivey do on TV? See luck for that reason.
39. More games are a lot harder to learn than hold'em, most of them need more skill. That's why there is even less money in the long run.
40. Live still pays the best, as there are more people who want to have fun playin against the best.
41. Running hot = Everything. Folding = the other half. Fishing the few newbs that are left = priceless. Getting a few players that tilt of their role = part of the game. Paying loads of rake against people of equal skill = The only thing that happens daily.
    

pure gold

11 reasons why online poker sucks

You want to hear some whine? Well you won't get some, this is just for you, the one who is fed up with online poker, but still thinks he can beat it and can't quit. In case you are like every other Poker addict loser who sometimes gets on a winning spree, like myself :) I am a gambler, and that's how I play poker nowadays, if I want a job I will find something more interesting. Oh and just to make this clear, gambling and throwing away money are two pair of shoes. Throwing away money is playing online poker, roulette or craps. Gambling is playing live poker, where you watch the tells, analyze the player and go for it before you win for sure on turn or river. That's gambling. You don't fuckin know if you win or not, it's luck. The 1 outer will hit and you will get pissed. Maybe not now, but every now and then. Learn to live with it.

• you will lose money, you will always pay rake, you will always have bad run, you will win, you may play great, but overall online poker is... something one can do without.
  
• you will win money and lose it later on, ending up losing more when you are emotionally unstable
• you will neglect your social life
• you will think you can quit your fucked up day job and think that poker is something better... it's not...
  
• poker rooms want you to play poker... THEY MAKE FUCKIN MONEY WITH YOU
• people make money with it, not everyone can do that otherwise those guys wouldn't make money with it
• online poker gets fuckin boring, when you multi table it's only a challenge for your motoric movements, you turn your brain of and fall into a flow effect
  
• you aim for the flow effect, which will get you into trance. It's the first step to addiciton.
• you will probably get fat from all the sitting in front of the computer
  
• there are loads of good examples for people who make money with poker, the real winners sponsor those guys... think about that.
• the rake wins, someone has to make money in order to keep this running, that's your spot in case you are a poker loser.
  

online Poker sucks part II

Yeah online poker still sucks! Didn't expect that eh? :)

Freemoney is great, in case you want some just check out that link to poker strategy, but actually it's probably not worth to waste your time with online Poker, unless you have a pretty boring accountant mentality and end up getting a rush at numbers, bits and bytes. Even though the adrenaline is pretty high once you get to high limit tables.

Me, Myself and I had a rough time due to poker and the time I spend with it, probably as many of the guys who are too emotional to really be good at poker. I have sick reads sometimes and then I am off like no good, or my opponent just hits his miracle card and I can't fold even though I know I am beat, tilting off money. Play like a real pro, not like one of those wannabe pokertracker pro's who are number guys.

I play live Poker every now and then, but that's about it, and even that is getting dull. The breaks between each session just get longer and longer.

Whenever I get a new free deposit into one of my accounts I just try to run it up a bit, but I usually end up broke again, which is ok, as I can't control my play. Far too emotional. The good part is, I have plenty of other stuff to do, that's far more fun that Poker, somehow I just lack the spirit for the game. Maybe I will find it again after some breaks. This internet generation plays so many hands, most of the online players have, even if they suck as much as I do, as many hands as a mediocre pro played in 25 years of casino play. 25 years in 2 years, doesn't sound too healthy from my point of view.

The flow effect is just one nasty psycho trait one could do without, at least sometimes.

online poker? sucks

How do you keep motivated playing online Poker?
I finally found my leak, it's an expensive leak, but I can't find a plumber to fix it. I am just utterly bored by online Poker and I still have done it far too often. Big pots give an adrenaline rush, but to be honest, the game itself is one of the most boring passtimes you can have online. I don't know where my fire is that I had the first time I hit a table.
Nowadays I am just so easily bored that I fall into fancy play syndrome after 20 hands. Life Poker is still great fun and I can spend nights at the tables and enjoy the games. I can even watch poker, but why do we all waste so much time at some stupid online tables when there is so much more fun to do? I'm an addict, that's my excuse, and I suck online, that's what makes everything worse. Why do you play? What do you like about a game with 52 cards, no graphical pleasure and without all the things that make offline Poker so great. Yeah how much can you read someone with his vpip and his betsizes? It's math. Go back to school nerd in case you love that.
Enough of those rants and raves, I should get back to the drawing board and create new, and most important better cartoons :)

The top 50 reasons why you lose at Poker

Sometimes we all wonder why we lose at Poker. This is not a complete list, but could give you a general idea of what some people are facing when they sit at a Poker table and lose their money. Think about what you do wrong and try to eliminate your flaws.

1. Tilt
2. Play when you are tired
3. love your hands too much
4. play your lucky cards against better knowledge
5. try to gamble
6. take sidebets
7. play above your comfort zone
8. play too many hands
9. take it personal when you win or lose against someone
10. you try to break even when you are down
11. play too long sessions
12. not considering potsize, odds or outs
13. chasing big pots with marginal draws
14. playing in the wrong game
15. trying to apply something your read but don't understand
16. listening to the wrong advice by the wrong people
17. complaining about bad beats
18. playing the wrong type of game, for example holdem instead of omaha
19. playing the wrong style against the wrong players
20. not playing tight aggressive on low limits
21. letting your emotions take control
22. not listening to your instincs
23. playing too many tables online without being able to handle them
24. not moving down limits when your bankroll took a dent and you are below your comfort zone
25. you have relationship issues that influence your play
26. playing against women and trying to impress them
27. playing in front of women and trying to be a mac daddy and impress them
28. giving free cards at the wrong time
29. playing the player and not the cards at low limits, people are unpredictable manics not caring about the few cents they lose
30. playing the cards and not the player at high limits, people who have imagination and knowledge usually don't go allin on a top pair...
31. not being able to shift gears and adapt to new situations
32. giving Poker a too big part in your life
33. playing too tight
34. playing too loose
35. Bluff too much, especially online
36. play when you are angry
37. play with someones elses money that could pay your mortage
38. play in games where you are not comfortable
39. you are cheated on or people team up against you without you recognizing it
40. you pay too much rake
41. you do not have rakeback or something similar when you play online
42. you do not take advantage of a Bonus offer that would increase your hourly winnings by a small margin
43. you overrate your skills and think you could beat everyone
44. you are easily read by others
45. you play predictable and don't take chances
46. you play with scared money
47. you believe Poker is a skill only game and everything evens out in the long run
48. you can't take to lose against a 1 outer on the river being allin on the turn
49. you don't have a life besides the Poker tables
50. you play against me ;)

Poker Cartoon weblog

hey there, I just felt like creating something new and decided to scan some of my drawing and mess around with the colors. So I will constantly upload new Poker Cartoon Strips at my new blog. I'd really love to hear how you like it. So just hop over and visit it.